Part 10 - Films for reference

Getting ready for a catastrophe the last thing that would be on your list of things to do would be watching films, well think again they could save your life…or not.

George A. Romero the godfather of zombie flicks you couldn’t start anywhere better from the classics all the way through to the modern day B-Movies.

Take your pick when it comes to alien films id recommended the likes of Independence day (I know its crap and has Will Smith in it but this is homework people) also something a bit off the wall like Mars Attacks a tongue in cheek comedy but just watch how evil them little shit-houses are and take notes.

Its going to be like a chimps tea party if the monkeys take over so a start getting the Planet of the apes films and sequels watched too. 

Monkey headed rulers in the north east – sound familiar to anyone?

Baron waste grounds in Newcastle don’t think so! Boro well nowt new there then but were not on about now.  Mad Max trilogy is your next stop unfortunatly for you that means having to watch the last one with Tina Turner and the annoying kids in.

I am legend – One mans quest to survive with only the company of his dog just vision that the dog is your lass (shouldn’t be too hard).

Night of the comet – Easily one of the campest films of this genre so crap in fact you would have a mini mission trying to find this on DVD in the first place.

Resident evil – This film begins with the world overrun by flesh eating zombies then focus switches to the main character a women who is as hard as the skin on your Granny’s feet chinning blokes with ease sounds far fetched until you actually encounter the women of Walker in the east end of Newcastle.

Book of Eli – I have watched this film before but cant actually remember what it was all about but a lot of aimless roaming around deserted former cities that have been wiped out while trying to avoid being robbed of there possessions.  Now deserts are few and far between up in the north of England due to the rain fall but you can soak up some tips on avoiding scavenging cunts there is plenty around where I live now.

Matrix trilogy – Over 6 hour’s worth of head fucking plot and over the top action.  Analogy would be this if you were faced with the choice between living in a dream world where Newcastle sat comfortably at the top of the English Premiership or live in a world without football which would you choose?  If you decide to take the blue pill rather than the red pill just bear in mind you could be stuck with a hard on for 12 hours!

Neo has overdosed on the little blue pills!

28 days later – Most realist take on a zombie infested world and how to get from day to day almost a survival guide on its own.  Infection has spread faster than a dose of genital warts around a bunch of teenage friends. It’s the classic story of boy wakes up meets zombies then meets girl avoids zombie’s meets man and another girl, man then stops another man raping girl then man and zombies save day that old nutshell.

Terminator films – In my eyes Arnie is god and if he wanted to kill me it would be an honourable death but if your not like me and most aren’t then these films should be watched for instructions on how to keep out of the clutches of a soulless mechanically killing machine.  These films often Zip back to what a modern day civilization would be like when world has been tipped upside down on its head but at least they have laser guns in the future.

Terminators try and blend in with the locals

Best of the rest….

Here is a handful of more films to sink teeth into this curious compilation of films are the types you find covered in dust in an old cabinet on VHS or the DVD’s you can in HMV for 3 for a tenner lets get rid of surplus stock shite.

Deep Impact – Fast forward to the last 20 mins the rest is as dull as dishwater.

Armageddon – Space travel on wages paid in Newcastle not in my lifetime.  Not sure if this film other than its title has any relevance mind!

2012 – Special affects by the bucket load, accuracy – nil points!!!

Day after tomorrow – The dawning of a new ice age.

Waterworld – High budget but with a very wet plot.

War of the worlds – Another aliens come to earth to blow things up.

Day the earth stood still – See above!

Hurt locker – Also about blowing us up but a bit closer to home.

Sum of all fears – Blowing shit up again, seems to be a pattern emerging.

Flight 93 – 9/11 attacks, a cheesy but moving tale.

Cyborg – Van Damme at his very worst in this apocalyptic dross.

Monsters – Strange giant aliens take over the world, utter drivel

Men in Black - Alien capers staring that man again Will Smith (one for the kids)

Bambi…….just checking!!! 

The Men in Black make a visit to the westend of Newcastle