Part 2 - Morning after the night before

First of all don’t panic it could be worse, you could have been born a mackem is what they say around here.  Imagine this if you can you wake up look out the window and the front street looks like the Bigg market on a Saturday night echoes of screams can be heard and people of staggering around covered in blood ( actually that is very easy to imagine! ) However these aren’t party revellers sampling the regions night life or a bunch of drunk slappers on a hen night this is the morning after the night before the end of the world as we know it.  The places looks a shit hole even worse than normal as if a bombs just hit, but what if a bomb had gone off most likely you were that pissed last night to even notice so hammered you would have slept through Hiroshima at the time.

Wiping off the half dry saliva dribbles from your cheek your faced with the pain in the arse of finding out what’s going on outside, but first things first cant be going out on an empty stomach so you polish off that left over kebab from last night left on the side of the kitchen bench.  While devouring your spicy lamb treat with help from the neighbours cat eating from the same tray you catch your eye on the television. 

Common sense would make you think to go straight to the local news channel and search for an explanation why your street looks like the centre of Baghdad.  But the temptation of Jeremy Kyle show burns too strong especially when one of your mates is due on there this week for double lie detector results as his lass has had more cock then it would take to make a hand rail round St. James park.

Now get your arse ready it’s not a fashion show so just stick on last nights jeans the piss from lagging down your leg when out your skull last night should be dry about now.  Your favourite charva hoodie should give you all the protection you need from the elements as it’s bound to piss doon later, basically the standard attire for most teenage arsewipes nowadays.  

Its going to be wild outside expect car and house alarms going off now I know this will sound like a normal Tuesday afternoon if your from the Meadowell so stay alert.  You’re going to need a car if you have your own great if you don’t nick one would never encourage this kind of behaviour usually but your excused as its crackers out in the open with all these head cases running around.  Think of where your heading first it could be your parents, mate’s or girlfriends me personally id be heading over the toon for a bit retail therapy of the five fingered discount variety while stocks last or in other words before every other thieving gypo’s gets in there first. 

Once in town you will need some supplies I recommend the army & navy store on Pilgrim Street in there you will find many items that you need but also tons of shite you don’t but will make you look the part balaclavas, camouflage suits, crossbows all sorts of combat crap that would make Arnold Swarchenegger look like a spunk farter. 

Do get your mitts on a good knife even when Bear Grylls is on the bones of his arse in his born survivor programme never leaves his trusted blade behind.  Don’t waste time carrying food supplies around as tins of Campbell’s meatballs and spaghetti hoops will just weigh you down I know there your favourites but we all have to make sacrifices.