Part 11 - Glossary

Here is a non alphabetical list of places, people and terms used to help translate some of our native vocabulary – some have been thrown in for no reason!

Newcastle - The rose in the crown of the north-east.

Sunderland - The anus of England, home to mackems.

Geordies - Salt of the earth people of reasonable intelligence, passionate about a mediocre football team.

Mackems - Bitter and twisted individuals who live in the shadows of Newcastle.  Love karaoke and blonde tips in their hair.

Newcastle UTD –  Geordies 1st love and everyone’s favourite 2nd team (well we like to think so anyway)

Sunderland A.F.C. - Shit football team that no fucker cares about.

St. James Park - Mecca of the north where 52,000 Geordies flock to each week.

Stadium of Light – Home to Sunderland football club and also the world’s largest public toilet.

Monkeys heed - Reference to Peter Reid former Sunderland a.f.c manager who bore an uncanny resemblance to a chimpanzee.

Toon Army - Nickname of Newcastle UTD.

The Black Cats – Shite nickname of Sunderland.

Smoggies – Highly unusually beings with cock-eyes, 4 nipples and other deformities brought on my lack of sunlight due to thick layer of smog shadowing over the town of Middlesbrough.

 Zombies – Angry beyond belief and always hungry have a particular taste for human brains.

Aliens – Visitors from another planet have a fetish for probing humans and like to blow up buildings of epic proportions (Byker wall anyone?)

Cannibals – Men who eat each other, not to be confused with gays!

Cyborgs – Half man, half machine for example Stephen Hawking but more agile.

Radgy’s – All so known as charva’s or chavs in the south much more of a nuisance then any of the above but harder to exterminate.

David Charlton – Horrible ginger bastard from wearside made infamous by his dirty protests in Strangeways prison.

Johnny Decker – North Tyneside legend in poncing free tabs and pints.

Geordie dancer – Dancing imbecile from City Vaults bar.

Tabs – Cigarettes

Gadgy – Man

Chiv – Small knife

Bairn – Child

Deed – Dead

Clamming – Hungry

Lag – Piss

Dangle berries – Mans testicles

Spunk farter – Gay man

Gypo – Gypsy or Pikey

Quayside – Situated on the bank of the river Tyne loaded with bars and restaurants (posh end of the Newcastle)

Bigg market – Popular drinking spot for young piss heads.

Haymarket – Another drinking area of Newcastle for older piss heads.

Westend – Ruff end of Newcastle and home too many notorious nutters.

Byker – Best described as an oversized run down Legoland.

Metro Centre – A labyrinth of shops was Gateshead’s only selling point before the Angle of the north was erected.

Fenwick’s – Department store in the centre of Newcastle Popular with shoplifters.

Greggs – Founded in Newcastle and has been making Geordies fat as fuck since 1939.

Hoppings – Travelling fair ground biggest in Europe which also brings 6 inches of rainfall in the middle of June every year.

Argos – Harrods for northerners.

F.Y.E.O. – For your eyes only, Premier lap dancing club where you can sample some of Newcastle’s finest snatch.

Diamond strip – A row of bars made unpopular by TV programme Geordie shore.

Metro – Like a train service but trampier!

Ram raiding – Shoplifting on wheels.

T.W.O.C. – Taking without consent

Facebook – Social networking website that’s been ending relationships since 2004.

CCTV footage from Nexus Metro service moments before a bomb explosion